perasan?

how do you know that you aren't being perasan? how do you know that the person at the other end likes you too? i think i've been lying to myself lately to make myself happy. i thought i did things right. i thought i didn't screw things up. i'm not saying i screw things up between us, but i screwed up my own emotions :(

i thought being there when someone needs a shoulder is the best thing to do. i thought making someone feel 'homely' when she's abroad will make her feel warm. i thought she needed friendship. i thought she wanted someone to talk to. i thought she needed some attention. i thought being out there alone is real tough. i thought she might have something for me.

i thought i was making her happy. i thought she needed only me. i thought doing sentimental stuff will touch her heart. i thought i would be happy by making her happy. i thought i was there for her all the time. i thought i was doing the right thing for her...

but the truth is, she may not even notice things which i have done. she may not even know the emotions i'm putting in. she may not even want me to be there. she may even think i'm just playing around, bothering her.

maybe i have blinded myself all these time. i really don't know what to do. to keep on trying, persuing what i want, or just give up on what i've already worked on...i want her to know so much that i'll always be waiting...i may not know her well enough, i may not be what she wants, but i'll wait...